- Never challenge anyone magically more powerful than you are. You won't live to regret it.
- Assume everyone probably is more powerful than you are.
- Don't be a threat to anyone. You don't want to give some Dark Lord somewhere a reason to destroy you. (If he's seeking to do this anyway, at least let it be because he's a heartless brute. Nobody will blame you for that).
- Never eat a shiny red apple offered to you by an old crone. Neither are what they appear to be.
- Always question the appearances/realities of everything around you in a magical environment given the right spell can transform practically anything. Those seeking to transform objects rarely do so for the health benefits it gives to others.
- If a woman turns up claiming to be your fairy godmother and you have had one hell of a time of it with difficult family members, at least demand proof this woman is who she says she is. Also ask why she hasn't turned up sooner. If she is your fairy godmother, she won't zap you for your impertinence. The rules of her profession mean she has to get you to the ball to meet Prince Charming so zapping is out of the question.
- If you come across a talking wolf, run! (Being on good terms with anyone who can fell trees safely and therefore has their own axe would probably be a great strategic move).
- If you come across talking bears, listen to their tales of woe against greedy golden haired girls who vandalize houses. When you get home take all anti-vandalism measures you can. Throw out any porridge. Stick to cornflakes. There's no record of said greedy girls liking cornflakes.
- If you come across someone called Mary being followed by a lamb, do not try to lure her pet away. She is devoted to it and it to her. Get your lamb (and mint sauce) supplies from somewhere else.
- Don't push Humpty Dumpty off the wall just because you fancy an omelette. There are easier ways to get eggs for this purpose. You also won't gain a reputation for being a heartless brute yourself if you follow this advice.
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AuthorI'm Allison Symes and write fairytales with bite, especially novels and short stories. Archives
October 2019
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